Transition

So I may have been a little eager to shout out how keen I was to get back to London.

I mean, I am. Of course.

But damn, this whole leaving thing can be really hard.

Over the years I’ve had many friends venture overseas and they’ve always handled the life change with pizzazz. For them it’s just like slipping on a new outfit, designer of course. For me however, it’s starting to feel more like an old pair of comfy track pants I’m reluctant to take off.

Now that I’ve gone through this twice, the whole experience reminds me of those last ten minutes in ‘Six Feet Under’. For those who find ‘Six Feet Under’ too obscure a reference, firstly, what are you doing? See it. Now. Secondly, the last ten minutes (without spoiling anything) is both amazing and devastating. In equal amounts.

That’s how leaving, both times, has felt. Amazing in terms of a new life for the taking. Devastating that indeed, everything does end. When I’m in Melbourne, or London, neither extreme is immediately apparent. It’s only in the transition that what I stand to gain, and lose, bludgeons me over the head.

It’s been good to remember that Melbourne really does rock. Despite my initial hesitations, the weather, the coffee, the people (and the bacon) eventually (cruelly) reminded me that I have left a lot behind by moving overseas.

It reminded me too that I very much have a past. I can pretend that past vanished when I traded my thongs (who calls them ‘flip flops’, really?) for several layers of heavy fleece, but it’s still there. It also reminded me that that is a good thing.

A surprising high point. I went into “work” for a visit – that being my non-UK work (I’m on a career break) and I was treated like a bit of a rock star (which I handled with all the grace of Mariah Carey at an awards ceremony). People warmly encouraged me to come back, soon, (which I suspect could have more to do with their workloads than any compelling desire to see my face every day). Outside of work, friends told me they missed me. Even my sisters were nice to me.

In short, I felt appreciated. Which is all anyone really wants in life, right? So why am I giving it all up? Again.

It’s led me to think about 2010 – my Year of Taking Chances. I’ve decided that this is the year it’s going to happen. I’ve had to make some sacrifices, and now it’s time for the pay off. It’s like the universe is saying, ‘really, we want you to stay. You should stay. But if you can convince us this whole London thing will do you good, then you go and prove it to us.’

Get ready to have your arse kicked 2010.